


Of Heavenly Tree Trimmings and Hellish Nursery Rhymes

by RiYuYami



Category: Good Omens (Radio), Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Book Omens/Radio Omens/TV Omens, Canon Compliant, F/F, F/M, Genderfluid Crowley (Good Omens), Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Wives (Good Omens), M/M, a series of drabbles of a nanny and a gardener in love and being dumb, several flavors of ineffable spouses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:20:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22279300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiYuYami/pseuds/RiYuYami
Summary: Collections of stories of the nanny and the gardener who decided to watch over and raise the Antichrist, along with developing their relationship with one another.And the sort of nonsense they'd somehow get themselves into while trying to actually do their jobs.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley/Brother Francis (Good Omens), Mr Harrison/Mr Cortese (Good Omens), Nanny Ashtoreth & Warlock Dowling, Nanny Ashtoreth/Aziraphale (Good Omens), Nanny Ashtoreth/Brother Francis (Good Omens), Warlock Dowling & Brother Francis
Comments: 22
Kudos: 47





	1. Sister Snake

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been writing up drabbles for Nanny Ashtoreth and Brother Francis on tumblr for a few weeks now, and I’ve decided to just post a bunch of them here on ao3 cause I am always happy to write for these two.
> 
> Basically, it’s just Crowley and Aziraphale being able to be a couple without Heaven and Hell giving them trouble. And if not that, it’s the book nanny and gardener in a relationship, or alternate universes where things are a bit different, I’ll let you know.
> 
> Lots of the drabbles were already posted on tumblr, but I’ve tweaked a few and extended some for here. As always, I am totally up for suggestions and ideas, I do have a few, let me know.
> 
> Content: forbidden romance, Ineffable Husbands in all sorts of flavors, genderfluid Crowley, blend of TV, book, and radio Omens content
> 
> Summery for this drabble: Warlock encounters a snake and lets Ashtoreth and Francis know his thoughts on it, while Francis let’s the child know his own opinions on them himself.
> 
> On with the fic!

“Nanny! Nanny!”

Ashtoreth turned sharply, away from Brother Francis (who was trying to prune a bush without nicking his finger with the shears), to see her young ward running towards her. Warlock’s voice was a bit panicked, but he didn’t appear harmed in any way. Had something startled him?

“What’s the matter, hellspawn?” She asked, kneeling down to be at a better level with him as he got into her waiting arms.

“Nanny, I saw a snake!”

Francis perked up, glancing over at the two. “Oh? A snake, ye say? And where’d ya find the li’l darlin’, hm?”

Warlock took his nanny’s hand, taking her through the yard, with Francis following beside Ashtoreth. “Over here! By the tree! It’s so big and scary!”

“A snake here?” Ashtoreth frowned deeply, curious. “Not really common in these parts, young Warlock. Are you sure it was one, or was it just your imagination?”

“It’s real! It moved and stuck out its tongue!” Warlock exclaimed before letting go of her hand, running towards the tree to take a look around it.

Ashtoreth continued to frown, though she eased up slightly when she felt a gentle, familiar hand on her shoulder. “Angel, think it could be trouble?”

“Snakes are not my territory, my dear.” Francis replied, accent completely dropped for his true one. “I doubt it’s a threat, but it doesn’t hurt to take a look.” He looked up when Warlock shouted that he had found it.

Quickly, the gardening angel approached the spot, seeing a thin, long snake looking about in the grass. He smiled a bit, ah, he wasn’t an expert, but he knew this one was safe. “Ah, no need to worry, young Master Warlock! Just a li’l one, a garner snake from what I can tell.”

“Then there is no need to worry.” The nanny spoke as she made her way over, seeing that it was just a garner. And a normal one, not a demon in hiding or working for one, just a simple animal.

“But snakes are so gross!” Warlock exclaimed and missed the way the redhead stopped. Francis didn’t miss it at all, he saw the quick flash of hurt cross her face.

“Ah, young one, there ain’t nothin’ gross about a snake.” Francis started, but the boy continued.

“They are too gross! They spit and bite, and I saw a video online where one ate a mouse alive and it was so nasty! And they’re slimy and weird, they have no legs, and they’re mean and evil! Why would anyone like ‘em? What are they even for? Mom says that one even got humans in trouble and got us kicked outta paradise, or something like that.”

Ashtoreth bit her lip, she’s had a lot of things said about her (and sometimes to her face) over the centuries, but to hear it from a kid that she had actually enjoyed the company of? Sure, he was being a kid, who didn’t know the truth, but it still hurt to hear all this.

Crowley could brush off these sorts of things with ease, but sometimes… they get to you, ya know?

Francis sighed softly and got down on the ground, holding out his hands, gently picking up the snake. “Brother Francis! No!” Warlock exclaimed in fright, hiding behind his caretaker, who had remained silent the whole time as she watched.

“It’s alright, Warlock.” Francis smiled gently as he looked at the snake. “I told you about our siblings, the animals. This is just another sister in the world for you. Sister Snake, ain’t she cute?”

The redhead looked from the snake to the angel.

“There is nothin’ wrong with snakes. They’re one of God’s special creatures, they are important to the Great Plan, the Ineffable Plan especially.” Francis’ smile grew a little. “Oh yes, a curious snake did bring knowledge to people years ago, but she was just doin’ ‘er job, yes? And God said that’s alright, just part of the plans.

And snakes aren’t slimy, they’re clean and well kept, with such beautiful scales that look like colorful gems or stars! So beautiful, with eyes that’ll draw ya in like nothin’ else in the world. They can be a wee bit harsh, but sometimes ya gotta be to protect yerself from the dangers of the world. They’re different from you, but you’re different from them, what if they had such mean things to say to you just cause you didn’t know ‘em?”

Warlock frowned, gripping Ashtoreth’s skirt a little as he looked at the snake, now feeling bad. “So… they’re not evil?”

“Heavens no!” The gardener spoke as he stood up, still holding the snake. “Not at all, even if they sometimes tell you differently.” He smiled up at the caregiver before him, her cheeks were flushed and she tried to look annoyed, but kept her mouth shut.

“Snakes are lovely gifts to us, Master Warlock. I don’t know what I’d ever do without ‘em. I’d be very lonely without Sister Snake in my garden.”

Ashtoreth’s breath hitched as she looked right at the other from behind her shades. “I’m sure Sister Snake would be just as lonely without you, Brother Francis.” She finally spoke, keeping her voice quiet and steady, but her flushed cheeks betrayed her.

Francis’ smile grew softer. “I think you owe someone an apology, Master Warlock.”

Warlock looked at the snake and stepped closer, gently reaching out, carefully touching the snake’s head with a finger. “I’m sorry, Sister Snake.”

“She says you’re forgiven.” Ashtoreth replied. “Now, go get yourself cleaned up inside, it’s almost time for lunch.”

The duo watched as the boy rushed back to the house before she turned to her companion. “You’re terrible. Just the worst.”

“Oh?” Francis chuckled as he put the snake back down, watching as it slithered through the grass. “Whatever do you mean, my dear?”

“You’re too forward like this, what if he suspects? What if someone else does?”

“Let them, I think I am allowed to speak openly about my opinions of Sister Snake.”

She smirked, leaning down to plant a kiss on his cheek. “You’re too good for your own wellbeing, angel. It’ll get you into some serious trouble one day.”

“Only if that trouble is caused by you.” Francis laughed as he walked with her towards the house.

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brother Francis, I’d like to think, would be much more confident and open with Ashtoreth than Aziraphale is with Crowley because he doesn’t have Heaven watching him. They just know he’s doing his job, having no idea that Crowley is there on the grounds either. They just think that Aziraphale is thwarting the evils in the child and don’t have to bother investigating.
> 
> Also, writing for Francis is a bit excuse to make Aziraphale a bit of a flirt and super charming, even with that ridiculous getup.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Please comment and kudos!


	2. A Flower for Ashtoreth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Aziraphale hired Brother Francis and had warned him that the other side would have a wily counterpart to him to leave an influence on the Antichrist. He wished that the angel had warned him that she was a lovely dear…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is written mostly for the sake of playing up on the book 'canon' that Aziraphale and Crowley hired Francis and Ashtoreth to watch over and influence Warlock. But at the same time, the book also leaves it sort of open that it’s still these two dorks, but for the sake of this one-shot, they’re all different characters.
> 
> And I really wanted to write something sappy about a gardener having a crush of a satanic nanny that had nothing to do with them being Aziraphale and Crowley. Originally, their appearances were gonna be inspired by my headcanons for the Book Omens versions of Crowley and Aziraphale, but I decided to change them into their television versions, however, they work for the book boys. On tumblr, I left it as is, but I might change it later.
> 
> On with the fic!

Brother Francis was a good man, one that Mr. Aziraphale had put a large amount of trust into. A former clergyman who tended to church gardens, he had gotten involved in Mr. Fell’s ‘business’ a while back. He didn’t mind helping out, though this seemed like a rather big mission and he wasn’t sure why it had to be him.

Still, he couldn’t complain, it was nice to be helpful, even if he’s just tending to the massive grounds of the Dowling estate.

He had started work earlier this week, and so far, he had yet to encounter to the Antichrist, but that’s due to him being inside all day with his nanny. Francis had also taken note that he had yet to see the person who he was supposed to be the opposite for.

Mr. Aziraphale had warned him that Hell was going to send a human agent to influence the Antichrist to the wiles of evil, and that it was Francis’ job to thwart the influences with his own of good and kindness, all for Heaven’s sake. He had told Francis that the person would work for a man named Mr. Crowley and that he had to keep an eye on this agent of evil.

Too bad he had no clue who this person was.

He sighed to himself as he looked at the flowerbed in front of him, oh dear, he wasn’t sure if he planted this right. Fruits and vegetation were where his gardening skills were best, along with certain trees, flowers and greenery were where he was weakest. He had wished he had more time to study up on this.

“I hope these grow right…” He mumbled as he removed a fern from a plastic planter and put it into a hole he had made in the ground.

“You’re doing that wrong.” Came a soft, Scottish voice, causing Francis to pause.

He turned and looked towards the source of the voice, blinking. There, not even two yards away, was a woman with a pram that was a dark maroon in color. She was tall, much taller than him, dressed to the nines in black clothing with hints of grays and red throughout it. Francis was reminded of Mary Poppins by her outfit choice, if not also by the influences of private businesses with gentlemen that could contact a certain type of woman through newspaper ads and phone numbers.

Her hair was pinned back, a rich copper in color with tight curls, making Francis wonder for a second if those were naturally or if she put in the effort to make them curl. Her face was sharp yet there was a gentleness to it, he noticed that her eyes were hidden behind dark glasses.

He felt his heart skip a beat as he looked at her, she was a beautiful flower in his garden, such a dark contrast to the blooming yellows and whites she stood near.

Then he noticed the necklace she wore, a snake eating its own tail, with a pentagram within the snake circle.

The agent! This had to be Mr. Crowley’s agent to be a terrible influence on the child! The nanny? Perfect choice for Hell to make! She’d be right there to teach the child the worst of the worst! Ooh, that’s so clever, he’d had to tell Mr. Aziraphale about this the next time they could meet up, maybe rethink this plan…

Francis gulped, looking at the plant he had just put down. “W-what makes ye think ‘m doin’ this wrong, ma’am?”

“For plants like that,” She spoke as she stepped closer with the pram, “you break up the roots. They need to spread out, allows for them to grow better. What sort of gardener does not know this?”

“One whose spent more time with planting vegetation, I’m afraid.” Francis removed the plant, breaking up the clumped roots before replanting it. He dusted his hands off on his smock and gave a bow. “Brother Francis, at yer service, ma’am.”

She watched him behind dark glasses. “Nanny Ashtoreth, charmed.” She replied with a hint of a smirk on her painted lips.

He smiled a little at her before hearing a coo, letting his curiosity get the best of him as he peeked into the pram, seeing a baby boy, bundled up in a blue blanket, gently chewing on the ear of a stuffed, black cat toy. “Ah! You must be Master Warlock, well aren’t cha just the cutest thing.” He grinned, wiggling his fingers at the baby.

“He’s only cute when he’s not raising hell. Oh, who am I kidding, that’s when he’s at his cutest.” Ashtoreth spoke. “Just a wee thing and already he is causing so much trouble.” There was pride in her voice.

“Ah, but ma’am, babies are always up to trouble, they’re not familiar with how the world works.” Francis spoke up, still smiling. “But in due time, he’ll learn the good and the bad.”

“Oh, he will.” She replied, her smirk showing her teeth, reminded him a bit of a snake. “He will learn.”

\--

Francis was a good man, but he was also that, a man.

And sometimes men had thoughts. Not that his mind ever strayed into the more adult-like thoughts that many men have had, but his were more focused on thoughts of a beautiful woman that he would love nothing more than to kiss the hand of.

It’s been months, nearly a year, since Francis arrived at the Dowling estate and had met the nanny. He had been keeping up with his work, tending to the garden, and to the house plants when the weather got too cold for most yard work. He had been reporting to Mr. Aziraphale on his days off, hard to track the man down sometimes with his bookstore hours being what they were, but he always found the strange fellow.

Francis let him know about the child, how he’s been rather good, though he does have a mean streak when he wants something and wants it now, even for someone who isn’t a year old yet. He also let Mr. Aziraphale know that he’s been doing his best to neutralize the influences of Ashtoreth.

However, he’s left out that the more time he spent around the estate, the more he’s been watching her. He’s seen how she acts around people, how she can be quiet and prim, proper even, when dealing with adults, but with a child? She’s as sweet as fresh honey. However, to those who tend to give her a hard time or even dare to touch her, she brings out a fury that would even have a demon blushing.

He couldn’t help but to observe how beautiful she was, with fiery hair always styled perfectly, clothing that was modest but still a bit devilish in its own right, and how she would sometimes smile at him when she caught him looking. Oh, her smile was just so… it was so her, sharp yet oddly gentle, exactly what Francis expected from her.

He bit his lip, looking at the flowers in front of him. They were a recent addition to the garden, black flowers, hard to find, but Francis still was able to get some for the garden. He had spent the time and effort to research dark flowers, to add a bit more to the garden rather than just the bright ones.

For aesthetics, he told himself!

But these ones were special, a patch he had hidden away from the eyes of the household, growing near his cottage on the grounds.

Bat orchids, though technically a deep brown, still looked black. And with a bit of help, these ones were black. Normally, they grew to massive sizes, but he had been able to grow some that were a mix of small and large blooms. He carefully picked one of the smaller ones, standing up with a smile on his face as he crossed the yard to find Ashtoreth.

He knew she was outside; he could hear Warlock’s excited babbling and the like clear as day. He spotted them near the small ledge and steps to the upper portion of the garden and Francis blushed as he made eye contact with her, even with the shades on. “Brother Francis.” She greeted with a nod.

“M-Mornin’ Miss Ashtoreth!” He smiled as he stepped closer.

“Do you need something?” Ashtoreth asked, watching him carefully. She seemed to have noticed that he had a hand behind his back, raising an eyebrow at this. “Do you _have_ something?” She corrected herself.

Well, it was now or never.

He approached her, bowing slightly as he held out the flower to her. She stared at it, tilting her head slightly. “This is fer you, my dear! It’s a Bat orchid, beautiful flower, also known as Devil Flower! It, uh, it reminded me of you, with all its bells and whistles. A pretty flower fer a pretty lady…” He mumbled, looking away.

Ashtoreth stared at the flower, even with her shades on, it was obvious her eyes were wide. Ashtoreth swallowed, reaching out to take it, but Warlock grabbed it instead. “Oh, well, this is rather nice of you, Bro-” She looked up from taking the flower away from the child, only to find that Francis was gone.

She looked at the orchid before smiling ever so, slipping it behind her ear. “Did you see that, my little hellspawn, the gardener gave me a gift. Now, I told you that people are terrible and should be crushed under your heels, but I think you can make an exception for him. He’s too kind for his own good, and maybe that’s a good thing.”

An hour later, when Warlock was down for his morning nap, Ashtoreth found Francis hunched over a patch of tulips, humming to himself. He didn’t seem to notice her as he stood up straight and she went in for the kill.

He didn’t see it coming as she planted a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you for the lovely gift, Francis.” She whispered at his ear.

His cheeks burned red as he looked at her, seeing her lower her shades to wink. She gestured at the flower, still tucked behind her ear, before she turned around. “I’ll see you later, Francis.”

“R-Right, yes, uh, see you later, Ashtoreth…!” He touched his cheek, feeling the faint touch of lipstick there, and smiled brightly. Oh, this mission was going to be a lot more interesting now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was fun, I might do more with these two as they are. I really want to write something where Francis and Anathema have lunch with their bosses and its chaos.
> 
> Also, Bat Orchids are a real flower and are a bit odd looking, but holy cow, I love them, and I can see Ashtoreth wearing one in her hair.
> 
> Thanks for reading, please comment and kudos!


	3. Lunch Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley and Aziraphale decide to catch up with the two demonic and saintly humans they hired to help raise Warlock in his younger years, only to find out some things about them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally I was gonna wait to write this one up, but I was inspired to continue from the last one!
> 
> This takes place years later, and though I will be writing more of Francis and Ashtoreth’s romance developing, I couldn’t resist writing up what they were doing post Not-End-of-Days.
> 
> Aziraphale and Crowley are based on my book appearances of them, so some basic descriptions will be said, but if you’ve seen my tumblr or my twitter, then you know what they look like. Francis and Ashtoreth look like their television show versions. Well… in more ways than one, hahaha, you’ll figure out what that means soon enough.
> 
> Also, I know Ashtoreth or Lilith is often used for Nanny’s name, but I couldn’t resist giving her the name she has in this au, especially considering one of the writers of the book…
> 
> On with the fic!

“I got into contact with Brother Francis the other day.” Aziraphale spoke as he set a cup of hot coffee in front of the demon who sat in his sitting area.

Crowley raised an eyebrow as he reached for his drink. “Brother Francis? Oh, right, that weird guy you hired for the whole…” He waved a hand about. “Not-Antichrist thing. That’s an embarrassment if I’ve ever known one.”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes, brushing blond curls from them as he took his seat with his cup of cocoa. “Oh shush, we didn’t know, and now we do. And Warlock is a good child, sure he’ll grow up to do splendid things.”

“While believing he can crush his enemies under his heel.” Crowley smirked, ignoring the look he was being thrown. “Anyway, why’d you talk to that fool again?”

“Really, Crowley. Francis is a nice man.” Aziraphale sighed. After the whole raising Warlock thing, Francis politely had asked to be let go of his duties under the angel, to which Aziraphale complied, though he did miss how good of a person Francis could be, even at times he could be a bit of a bastard, but that was actually a compliment. “I was curious, it’s been a few years now. I’ve invited him to lunch at the Ritz with us tomorrow!”

There was a loud, annoyed groan from his companion. “Now, don’t be like that! You can invite the nanny if you’d like, I am rather curious of what she’s up to.”

“She quit working for me the day after she quit working for the Dowlings.” Crowley spoke up. “Said she needed some time to herself and that it wasn’t any of my blessed business what that implied. Still got her number though, said I could keep it, just in case.”

He pulled out his phone, looking through the contacts. “I guess I can call her up.” He knew he didn’t have a choice, Aziraphale would just pester him until he caved.

He lifted the phone to his ear, hearing it ring, before a light voice was heard. “Mister Crowley.” Ashtoreth spoke directly, not as a question.

“Ash!” The demon grinned. “Just the demonic nanny I wanted to speak to! Say, my adversary and I were gonna go to the Ritz tomorrow, we were wondering if you’d like to come, ya know, to catch up. What with the Apocalypse not being a thing as of last week!”

There was a pause, but he could faintly hear her talking to someone, even with her having the phone away from her face. Her voice came back clear when her attention was on him again. “I’ll see you there tomorrow at one. You’re paying.” With that, she hung up.

“What did she say?” The angel asked.

“She said she’d be there at one.”

“Oh! Wait, you never told her the time, how did she know?”

\--

Crowley huffed as he took his usual side of the table, seeing that he and Aziraphale would be sitting with four rather than just the two of them. He wasn’t really a fan of this, but curiosity was getting the better of him as it had his angel. It wasn’t often he kept up with his little crew of obedient human followers and employees, but Ashtoreth was a personal favorite.

She stood up to him and didn’t take shit from him or anyone else, and he liked that a lot about her. Heaven, if he didn’t know any better, he swore she was a demon herself! Also, he really loved her style.

He looked up when he heard a happy sound come from the angel at his side. “Oh, there’s Francis!” Aziraphale whispered and Crowley looked over to see the man.

He looked way cleaner compared to the one other time that Crowley had seen the man, but then again, he wasn’t working in a garden right now. In fact, he was rather pale in appearance, and his stupid muttonchops were trimmed and styled (aka, not there at all), looks like his teeth were still a disaster but less obvious, just poking out a tiny bit when he smiled. He was still on the soft side, but his clothing was much more up-to-date, well, at least by Aziraphale’s standards.

Actually, the two of them probably had the same sense of style, considering the fact that both of them were wearing tartan bowties of the same kind. _Really? You consider this guy close, angel?_ Crowley thought to himself as he raised an eyebrow.

“Mr. Aziraphale.” Francis smiled as he approached the table, taking a seat after shaking his former employer’s hand.

“Francis, so good to see you!” Aziraphale smiled. “You remember my… companion, Crowley, yes?” Ah, yes, companion, adversary, still trying to keep people out of their business of what they really are. It’s a pain, but even with Heaven and Hell leaving them alone, it’s still too early to let down their guards.

Francis looked over at him with bright, hazel eyes, smiling. “Good afternoon to you, Mr. Crowley.” He nodded his head, holding out a hand.

“Charmed.” Crowley replied, shaking it. He noticed something, a ring on the left hand that rested on the table. It was solid black in color, onyx? Rather lovely looking, when did he come into some money?

“Sorry I’m late.” Came a soft voice that had Crowley looking up. “Traffic is the worst here, can’t find anywhere to park without making a spot yourself nowadays.”

Ashtoreth looked nearly the same, her hair was longer though. Her outfit choice was much more masculine, rather than the dark pencil skirts and black shirts she tended to wear when Crowley spent time with her. She wore the skinniest jeans the demon had ever seen on someone, along with a suit jacket and a gray shirt. Her shades were still the same, and her lips were painted a deep red as she took a seat next to Francis.

The man smiled at her. “Ah, I’m sure ye found a nice spot, dandelion.”

Crowley made a sound in his throat. Right, uh, Aziraphale had mentioned ages ago that Francis had confined in him that he had feelings for the nanny. Not that Ashtoreth was free from feelings, as she straight up told Crowley that she found Francis to be a sweet man. Ashtoreth didn’t talk about men like that, hell, it was rare for her to say anything nice about someone unless if they were a child she was taking care of.

A waiter came by, bringing them a bottle of wine that the angel had ordered before placing their orders for lunch. Once all that business was taken care of, Aziraphale turned to them, smiling as he adjusted his glasses on his nose. “So, how have you two been these past few years?”

“I found work at the botanical gardens here in London, rather lovely work.” Francis spoke up first, beaming.

“Still raising children into the ways of evil.” Ashtoreth replied as she sipped her wine. “I found a teaching job, it’s rather _nice_ , I suppose. And you two?”

“We prevented the end of the world last week.” Crowley snorted. “Met the real Antichrist too, cute kid, stubborn as shit, but that’s a human for ya.”

Ashtoreth raise an eyebrow. “So, we weren’t really necessary at all, were we? We spent seven years with the wrong child for no reason?”

“Ah, my dearest,” Francis sighed softly, touching her arm. Crowley noted that she didn’t flinch, “if it wasn’t fer that little mistake, well…” He smiled and winked at her, Aziraphale choked a little on his sip of wine.

A smirk came to the nanny’s face. “Well, I guess there is an upside to our bosses being idiots about the son of Satan.”

“Oh, I don’t believe they were idiots, just… mistaken, in the right kinda way.”

“What the fuck?” Crowley blinked, watching these two, before noticing something.

On Ashtoreth’s left hand was a ring, a white quartz band, to match the onyx one the gardener wore. Crowley suddenly sat up straight, gaping at them. “You two are married!?” He exclaimed, earning a few looks from nearby tables.

Ashtoreth looked at him, holding out her ringed hand, smirking still. “Like what ya see? Been married for two years now.”

“Oh!” Aziraphale blinked, a bit flushed in the face when he realized what was going on. “Who, uh, who popped the question?”

“Coraline did.” Francis spoke up, taking her hand into his own. “She took me out fer dinner one evenin’, and slid the ring across the table. Well… actually, she flicked it, and I caught it.” He laughed. “Ain’t she clever?”

“I can’t believe this…” The demon did a rare blink, rubbing at his neck. “Two of the best agents of Hell and Heaven are married.”

“I thought by now you two would be, especially considering how long you have known one another.” The redhead spoke. “Unless…”

Aziraphale cleared his throat. “We have something, my dear, but it’s sort of hard to be open about things when you never know when your bosses will show up.”

“Never stopped us.” The gardener shrugged. “In fact, we were flirtin’ and kissin’ while we were workin’ for the Dowlings. Couldn’t resist makin’ my dandelion blush.” To prove his point, he brought her hand up to his lips, placing a gentle kiss to the back of it. Ashtoreth huffed, even with her cheeks a bit pink in color.

Crowley swallowed the rest of his glass of wine. “Well, this is not what I was expecting. But then again, you made it pretty damn clear that you liked him.”

“And I still do.” Ashtoreth replied. “Yes, he’s too good in the soul, and not the best at gardening, but he’s the most charming human I’ve ever encountered. And Rover loves him dearly.”

“Ah yes, your personal hellhound.” The demon commented, moving to refill his glass. “So, anything else we need to know about?”

“Oh, hmm…” Francis thought, interrupted when their food arrived. Once that was all settled and a silence covered them as they ate, the gardener perked up. “Oh! I remember somethin’! You remember the tutors that you hired after we left?”

Crowley paused and Aziraphale blinked. Oh yes, Mr. Cortese and Mr. Harrison, quite an odd duo from what the two remembered. Cortese was a bit of a smartass, but could be gentle, and Harrison had no damn filter but was a rather nice person, when he wanted to be.

“Well, they got married as well!” Francis grinned brightly and Ashtoreth let out a sharp laugh at the faces of their former employers at this news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cortese and Harrison, in my mind, are the Radio Omens boys. And there is a chance I may or may not write a drabble or two of those two for this au.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Please comment and kudos!


	4. Mr. Harrison and Mr. Cortese

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little drabble of Warlock's tutors, Ineffable Radio style

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one asked for it, but I’m writing Radio Omens during the Dowlings days.
> 
> But they’re not Nanny and Francis, oh no, this time they’re the tutors from the book, Mr. Harrison and Mr. Cortese.
> 
> I do have some other Nanny and Francis drabbles in the works or have already been written and need to be posted, but I have been in such a Radio Omens mood lately and it's so hard to find fanfic content of them, so here you go, here's some content from me. Plus, my birthday is Saturday, so this is a little gift for myself.
> 
> On with the fic!

“I think… that is enough for today.” Harrison sighed through his nose, snapping the book in his hand shut. Warlock looked excited about this and slammed his own book shut as well.

“Did I do well, Mr. Harrison?” He asked, kicking his feet under the table. They were supposed to be learning about the 100 Years War, but somehow, SOMEHOW… Warlock flipped the history lesson on Harrison and turned it into a blessed maths lecture.

“Yes, now, go and have lunch, I do believe it should be ready now. I think the chef is making your favorite.” He should know, he had ‘suggested’ it to the man, AKA, he made a small threat.

Warlock grinned brightly and rushed from the small library inside of the Dowling estate. The dark-haired man watched him run off before sighing loudly, leaning back in his chair, rubbing at his eyes from behind his shades.

“Troubled, Mr. Harrison?”

Cracking open an eye, he looked at the man who seemed to appear out of nowhere, dressed smartly in dark dress pants and a light button up, dark blond hair brushed to the side, and a smug look on his face.

“Mr. Cortese, what do you want? Your lessons aren’t until tomorrow.” Harrison replied, ignoring the question.

“I came to see what you were teaching the boy today.” He lifted up the history book off the desk, flipping through it. “This is a bit outdated.”

“It’s what the Dowlings bought for his lessons, blame them.”

Cortese chuckled and set the book aside, taking a seat on the table, looking at the other man. The two of them had been hired by their respective bosses, Mr. Crowley and Mr. Aziraphale, to take over on influencing the Antichrist after Nanny Ashtoreth and Brother Francis stepped down.

Speaking of those two, last Harrison heard, they got together after skirting around the subject for so many years.

As for him and his adversary here… well, there was never any skirting about, day one working in the Dowling residence ended up with them making out in the coat closet.

Thin fingers toyed with the tie around the dark-haired man’s neck, his smug look turning more coy. “Mmm, sure, the books they’ve given me are lacking, going to have to get some of my personal collection to give this boy a true lesson on what is right and what is wrong.”

“Heh, you just want an excuse to have access to your own books.” He was quick, pulling Cortese onto his lap, planting a kiss to his neck. “But enough about work, let’s talk you and me, wanna go out this weekend? Don’t think we have to play babysitter for the kid this time.”

Cortese sighed, leaning into the kisses at his skin. “What did you have in mind exactly?”

“My flat, after a nice dinner.”

“You mean your flat, after I have a nice dinner and you’ve drank half your body weight in rich wines.”

“You’ve just improved my plans.” He nipped at the skin, undoing a shirt button-

“Mr. Harrison!” The door to the library was thrown open and Cortese shouted as he was suddenly flung from Harrison’s lap, landing on the floor as Warlock came rushing into the room. “Did I leave my work in here? Mom wants to see what I’ve learned today!”

Harrison blinked, a bit flustered and startled. “Uh… y-yeah, sure, where you left it.”

Warlock grabbed the papers, paying no attention to the man on the floor. “Thanks! See ya!” He ran from the room, happily singing one of his nanny’s old songs to himself as he went down the hall.

“Well… that happened.” Harrison spoke, turning to look at Cortese. “You okay?”

“A warning would be lovely next time, you wily fool!”

“Well, next time I think you should lock the door after entering.” He scoffed, helping the man off the floor. “But for real, are you okay? Didn’t mean to send you flying.”

Cortese dusted himself off before sitting down in his previous spot again, a little harder with his drop, making Harrison huff. He looked at his adversary and removed his shades, looking at the golden eyes he sported. “You owe me for this, my dear boy. I don’t rightly appreciate being sent to the floor, rather rude, if you ask me.”

“Can’t have the boy seeing us doing things a seven year old shouldn’t witness.” Harrison replied as he wrapped his arms around him. “Don’t want him asking his parents why his teachers were doing things that looked much different from hugging and wrestling.”

“I do believe I am the one who told you about that, and yet here you are, trying to leave marks on my neck.” Cortese sighed dramatically.

“Hmph! Gotta make sure people know you have yourself a boyfriend, I know that one security guard was checking you out the other day, don’t think I didn’t see him staring.”

The other man’s smug look was back. “You mean Greg? A sweet boy, always has something nice to say to me.” He felt the grip around him tighten, hearing a growl from the agent of a demon. Cortese chuckled and kissed him on the cheek. “I love it when you’re possessive over me, it’s rather charming, kind of cute.”

“Uhg.” Harrison made a face. “Don’t say that.”

“You’re cute.”

“Shut it, angel boy! Or you’ll be smooching the carpet again!”

“And you’ll have to forget all about date night then if you so much as even think of removing me from my perch!”

“… Touche.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drabble and one-shots are always welcomed for these flavors of Ineffable Husbands (Nanny/Francis, Harrison/Cortese, and the classic, Crowley/Aziraphale) here and on my tumblr, trashboatprince. So if you have ideas, feel free to send them to me and I'll see what I can do!
> 
> Thanks for reading, don't forget to comment and kudos!


	5. The Unexpected Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale is enjoying the unmonitored freedom he has at the Dowling estate, his relationship with his favorite demon is going strong, until he gets an unexpected visit from one of his superiors.
> 
> How do you tell the Archangel Michael that you’re working in the same area as your so-called adversary?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figure that at some point at least one or two angels came down to check on Aziraphale about his business with watching over Warlock. I know that the angels didn’t seem all that interested in the plan, but it doesn’t hurt to see what is going on with the lessons, yeah?
> 
> I headcanon the angels having their signature weapons hidden on their person through marks and tattoos, so they don’t have to carry them around. If Aziraphale still had his sword, he’d have it on his body somewhere as a golden tattoo. I bring this up cause it’s mentioned in this. 
> 
> On with the fic!

Brother Francis gave his carnations a hard stare, just as Ashtoreth taught him, a warning that one must not displease an angel, for they are known to rain Heaven’s wrath down upon those who do! He then smiled and gave them a good misting from the hose.

It’s been a rather lovely week, he’s noted. The summer heat wasn’t terrible, Warlock was doing well with being rather good this week and rebelling against Nanny’s change in naptime hours, which Francis wasn’t going to touch, as it was funny. Just part of his attempts at thwarting a wile, in his mind.

He hummed to himself as he moved to go and tend to the rose bushes, only to tense up when he smelled something in the air.

A smell that was fresh, clean, with a hint of ozone and metal.

“Oh no.” He dropped the hose and turned sharply, looking towards the house.

He could see Thaddeus on the patio, stepping towards the yard with a figure that the angel knew all too well. Dressed in a clean pantsuit, with laced sleeves and hair styled in a specific way, was the Archangel Michael.

She smiled as she listened to Thaddeus speak, nodding and chatting with him in return. Aziraphale panicked, why was she here!? He hadn’t expected to see one of his superiors show up, and if he had, it was always Gabriel! Once in a while it was Uriel, but she usually just dropped a report in front of him and walked away, but Michael never came to Earth where Aziraphale was!

At least, she hasn’t done that in a long, long time. This had to be serious, but why was she talking to Francis’ boss?

Did… did she come here to send Aziraphale to Heaven for something?

Or did she know about Crowley?

Aziraphale panicked, he couldn’t go to Crowley! He was already spotted; he couldn’t warn the demonic nanny! And Michael was smart, she would know Crowley was somewhere nearby. After all, she was the angel who took down Lucifer! She had her spear on her at all times, hidden on her arm as a tattoo, painted gold. Just a flick of her wrist and it would be embedded in Crowley without so much as a flinch.

He tensed up, watching them approach, but he smiled despite himself at the American. “Good afternoon to ya, Master Dowling.” He bowed his head. “And a good afternoon to yer companion here.”

He could see Michael looking at him with a neutral expression on her face, but her eyes betrayed her. She was disgusted with his appearance, but she understood that he had to blend in.

“And a good afternoon to you as well, Brother Francis.” Thaddeus returned the greeting. “I was just showing Mr. Archer here around the estate. He stopped by to discuss things with me and asked about the garden.”

“Ah, no need to introduce me, Mr. Dowling.” Michael smiled, using a voice just slightly deeper than normal. “I already know your gardener. I recognized his work from outside of the meeting room, he used to work for me.”

“Oh?” This caught both Thaddeus’ and Aziraphale’s attention. “Ah! Didn’t expect that, haha! Small world, am I right?”

There was a sharp ringing sound and he pulled out his phone. “Oh, gotta take this. I’ll leave you two to catch up! Do come back inside so we can finish the deal when you’re done.” He smiled at Michael before answering. “Mr. President!” He greeted before stepping away.

Once he was out of earshot, Michael turned to smile coldly at Aziraphale, making him feel small. “Aziraphale, you look… filthy.”

“Comes with the job, I’m afraid.” Aziraphale replied, his mouth dry. “But it allows me to keep an eye on the boy, he’s rather adventurous, always wanting to be outside.”

“Hm.” The Archangel stepped around him, looking around the garden. “Interesting. Any news to report?”

“Well, he’s doing well with his lessons! He prevented the death of a spider this morning, and he told off his nanny-!” He froze up, which cause her attention.

“That sounds rather evil.” Michael frowned.

Aziraphale swallowed, laughing nervously. “W-well, the nanny, she’s a troublesome lady..! Thinks things have to be done in such a way to get her approval…!”

Michael just looked at him, glancing at the house. “What does this nanny look like?”

“Like… a nanny you’d see from a while back, she claims to be old fashion, though I can’t say much myself.” He tugged as his smock.

“I wonder…” The other angel mumbled. “Do you smell it, Aziraphale? In the house?”

Aziraphale frowned. “Smell what? I don’t go in the house often, I’m usually out here, got a little cottage I live in too.”

“So, you don’t smell the evil?”

He tensed up, eyes widen, before he laughed a bit. “Oh, yes..! I’ve smelled it, but I just suspect it to be the child! You know how new powers can be, can’t quite be controlled!”

“I’ve heard that none of us should be able to detect his smell, do you think that there is someone evil in the house? Trying to do what we’re doing? I wouldn’t be surprised if the forces of Hell had come to a similar conclusion of influencing the upbringing as you did.”

There was a tone of suspicion on Michael’s voice and Aziraphale was glad he couldn’t breathe for real cause he’d suspect that he’d be having trouble doing so. Did she know? Did she suspect that Crowley was there?

He glanced towards the house, eyes wide when the backdoor opened and out stepped the demon in question, pushing a stroller with a giddy, two-year old Warlock strapped in. She didn’t seem to suspect that Michael was there, but if she did, then she was doing her best to not show it. Usually Crowley would tense up and try to bolt when other angels were about, but that would be suspicious.

He wished that Crowley had stayed inside, but it was the time of the day to take Warlock outside to play, and Ashtoreth kept to a tight schedule.

“Well, well,” Michael spoke up, “this must be the nanny you were speaking of. Aziraphale, maybe you need a lesson on evil again, because I can just sense it, there’s something dark about her…”

“That would be the aesthetic she radiates, lots of humans are into it, I do believe it is called ‘goth’.” Aziraphale spoke, trying to keep Michael from questioning things, and- oh dear, the Archangel was making her way over to Nanny.

Aziraphale hissed and followed quickly, seeing Michael step in front of Ashtoreth, who paused in pushing the stroller. She glanced up; eyes perfectly hidden behind her shades. “Excuse me, can I help you?” She asked softly, her voice accented as always for her persona.

“I just wanted to introduce myself.” Michael smiled, speaking sweetly, Aziraphale bit his lip as he watched the two. “I’m Michael Archer, I’m just visiting, speaking with the gardener. We know one another.”

A slight shift of her head had Ashtoreth looking at the gardener, before she looked back at Michael. “I see, I suppose you are a former client he worked for. I am Nanny Ashtoreth.”

“Ashtoreth?” Michael asked, looking at the redhead with a suspicious stare. “Isn’t that name a little… demonic? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Not at all.” Ashtoreth replied, her grip on the handles of the stroller was tight. “It is a family name, old, yes, and associated with a demon, but I have embraced it as something to be proud of, at least by which the goddess Ashtoreth is associated with. You yourself share a name with an angel, and our mutual friend here shares a name with a saint.”

That didn’t stop Michael from looking at the other, her nose twitching. Aziraphale unconsciously repeated the action, sniffing the air. He smelled Michael, along with a strong scent of flowers, of a musk that clearly meant perfume was used. It was Nanny’s usual smell, just a bit stronger. He could just barely smell the more demonic scent hidden beneath it.

“Do you often wear sunglasses?” Michael suddenly asked, stepping closer.

“Often enough, I have a bit of trouble in bright lights.” Ashtoreth replied.

“May I see them? Sorry, they look rather nice, I’d like to see if they’d be worth a purchase.” She smiled at the demon, who kept a neutral face in a way that Aziraphale had never seen Crowley do in the six thousand years they’ve known each other.

Quietly, Ashtoreth reached up and removed the shades, Aziraphale nearly jumping to action when he could sense the holy energy coming from Michael’s arm. Without saying a word, Ashtoreth turned her head up, opening her eyes to show perfectly normal brown eyes. There was no indication that they were snake-like in anyway.

Michael was handed the shades and quickly looked them over, the holy energy quickly gone. “I’ll think about it,” She spoke before handing them back, Nanny was quick to put them on, “well, I must get back to that meeting with your boss. Lovely meeting you, Miss Ashtoreth.”

She turned her attention to Aziraphale. “I shall see you in due time, Francis.” She patted his shoulder before making her way to the house. The two watched her until she vanished inside and Ashtoreth walked quickly into the large garden, to get out of sight, Aziraphale following.

Once they knew they were completely out of sight, away from prying angel eyes, Crowley snapped her attention to Aziraphale, looking quite shaken. “That was Michael.”

“I know.”

“Archangel fucking Michael!”

“I know, my dear…”

“Why was she here!? Does she know!?”

Aziraphale quickly shook his head, putting his hands on her shoulders. “No, no, she has no idea you’re Crowley. From what it seems, she must see you as just some nanny who likes witchy stuff, like the rest of the staff seems to think. Dear, you’re shaking like a leaf!”

A chair was suddenly behind the nanny as she was gently sat down onto it. Aziraphale moved behind her, removing her hat to put his suddenly-clean hands on her head, carefully rubbing at her hair. He knows his demon well, knowing that the panic and stress would give her a migraine, especially after having to use a miracle to make her eyes appear so human-like. It was something Crowley loathed to do, as it blinded her in the process, she couldn’t see with her pupils like that, she wasn’t the kind of snake with wide ones.

She seemed to relax carefully at his touch, but her hands were clenched on her lap. “She was going for her weapon.”

“I would have stopped her.” Aziraphale replied as he placed a kiss to her head. “But you stopped her with your fake eyes. I also noticed you covered your smell.”

“I sensed her before I ever saw her inside, I had to work fast, practically bathed myself in perfume.” Crowley hissed out, trying to force herself to relax. Her eyes turning to Warlock who was giggling as a butterfly flew around his head. “I’m suspecting you’ll be going up to Heaven tomorrow.”

Aziraphale sighed loudly. “No doubt about it, best to give all of them an actual update. I’ll explain that you’re just some human woman with an interest in looking like you worship Satan, but don’t really do so.”

There was a quiet hum from Crowley as she nodded. “Best of luck, angel.”

“Thank you, and best of luck to you as well, I’m sure you’ll need to report to Hell tomorrow, just in case.”

“Uuuuuhhhhhhgggggg…” Crowley flopped back, looking up at Aziraphale with a pout, which earned her a chuckle from the angel. “Wanna get shitfaced tonight in your cabin?”

“Oh, you have no idea how badly I was hoping you’d suggest that, my dear nanny.”

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Michael is suspicious, but not sure. Give her a few more years and she’ll learn the truth.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos are always welcomed, along with prompts! If you’ve got one, I’ll gladly see what I can do with it!


	6. A Date in the Open

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s a date, that’s what Francis called it, and how could Ashtoreth refuse? Sure, they’ve shared meals together a millions times as Aziraphale and Crowley, but never in these personas.
> 
> Could be fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for my lack of content in months, this whole virus thing and not being able to work has left me in a rather nasty rut when it comes to making new written content.
> 
> But I was in the mood to make Nanny/Francis content and I couldn't resist making content.
> 
> On with the fic!

“Sunday is your day off, yes?”

Crowley looked up from his bathroom sink, seeing Aziraphale standing in the doorway in the reflection of the mirror. No longer was he in that ridiculous getup of his as the gardener of the Dowling estate, instead he was in his typical clothing, sans overcoat.

It was late at night, Warlock was sleeping soundly, and the door was locked to Nanny Ashtoreth’s private room so no nosy humans could see them out of their disguises. “Yeah, usually every other Sunday is off, why do you ask?” Crowley raised an eyebrow before going back to removing his makeup.

Sure, he could miracle it away, but he liked the ritual of putting it on and taking it off. He watched in the reflection as Aziraphale toyed with his vest, looking a bit embarrassed. “Well, if you’re not... busy, performing acts of evil and annoyance on the general public of London...”

“So, my usual Sunday nonsense, you mean?”

“Of course, but anyway, I was wondering if you were able to find time in your busy schedule to... have lunch with me, maybe even spend a few hours together. Like... on a date.”

Crowley paused, blinking, it had to be extremely surprising of a situation to make a snake demon blink.

“A date?” The redhead said carefully, as if tasting the word for any sort of sour or poisonous taste.

“Yes, a-a date, together.” Aziraphale was even more red in the face that his Francis look, and Crowley turned to face him completely, feeling heat on his own cheeks. “If it’s not too much trouble, that is.”

“No, it’s... not,” Crowley spoke, stepping towards him, “in fact, I’m all for it.”

This seemed to perk the angel up and he smiled a bit more. “Oh lovely! I was thinking we could try this new place I had heard Mrs. Dowling speaking to with a friend during her tea time in the garden today! Something about authentic southern Spanish dishes, we haven’t had those in quite some time! And I do remember there is a lovely Turkish coffee shop I’ve been meaning to take you to, I know you love a strong coffee and they are the best at it!”

A finger was placed to Aziraphale’s lips, stopping him before he could continue. Crowley smiled just a little before dropping it. “No need to spoil your plans for us, angel.”

“R-right, of course.” The smaller man cleared his throat, before looking embarrassed once more. “Though, there is one thing I would like to ask.”

“And what is that?”

“Would you be alright with us going out together... as Ashtoreth and Francis?”

For the second time that night, Crowley blinked. “As our personas?” 

“Yes, I think it would be a bit fun, you know? To go out for a nice afternoon, not as an angel or a demon, but as a nanny and a gardener, two perfectly normal humans who enjoy each other’s company!”

They looked at one another as Crowley thought this over, before giving a nod. “I’d love to, Francis.” Came the reply with a Scottish tint to it.

\--

‘It’s a date.’ Ashtoreth thought to herself as she applied her favorite shade of purple lipstick on her lips.

‘You’ve been on countless dates over the years with him.’ Setting the tube of lipstick down, she grabbed her eyeliner, moving to apply just the right amount of that on. ‘Well, they aren’t really called dates, but that’s pretty much what they are.’

Now, she put on a shawl she had gotten a few years back when she had been so bored out of her skull that she went on a shopping spree. Sometimes you just don’t feel like miracles need to be used to give yourself an outfit, sometimes you want to fill up that empty closet in your room.

Ashtoreth adjusted it around her shoulders as she looked herself over in the mirror. Black shawl, tight purple shirt that showed off what needed to be shown, and a lovely pencil skirt and tights combo to go with her snakeskin boots.

‘He’ll like this, Azir- Francis will like it, he always has something nice to say.’ She thought as she put on a hat with a fishnet veil.

There was a pause and Ashtoreth hissed through her teeth, feeling anxious. “Ngk.”

They’ve never been on a date before, not like this, not as these two. Never had the time! Warlock was a handful, and Hell was always looking for a chance to pile on the work! Same with Heaven!

But today was a free day, they both made sure of it!

“You can do this, Ashtoreth, stop bein’ a wimp.” She mumbled as she snatched up her pocketbook and slipped on her shades, leaving her room. She strode past house staff who knew to not bother her when she was up to something. Ashtoreth ignored the stares as she made her way down the stairs to the front door, only stopping when Warlock ran past.

He was spending the day with his mother, as was the usual routine for Nanny’s days off, but that wasn’t stopping the demon from giving her favorite Antichrist a peck on the cheek before telling him to give his mother trouble.

With that, Ashtoreth was out the door and down the stairs, where she found the Bentley waiting for her and her date as well. She came to a stop, lowering her shades to look the man up and down, rather shocked to see the clothes he chose.

Gone was the Victorian style look of the part-time bookseller, gone was the Edwardian-inspired nonsense of the gardener, instead Francis wore a casual outfitting of both personas.

Tan dress pants, penny loafers that were out of style yet so fitting of the man, and a pure-white dress shirt with a dark blue sweater vest over it, complete with a tartan bowtie because of course.

Francis smiled, moving to the driver’s side of the car to open it for her. “Ye’re lookin’ rather radiant today, Ms. Ashtoreth.” Came to voice of the gardener as he smiled at her, all buckteeth and muttonchops.

She gave him a nod, smiling as she took the hand that offered to help her into her Bentley, all the while the staff were staring out the windows at the two. Francis closed the door and ran over to his side, getting in and readying himself for her driving.

“So,” she smirked, turning on the Bentley, “shall we go enjoy our date, Francis Fell.”

“I do believe we shall, Coraline Ashtoreth.”

With that, they drove off the grounds at a speed that was greatly above the unofficial speed limit of the estate’s grounds.

\--

The restaurant that Aziraphale had learned about was a small place, new and family-owned. The waitress gave them their menus, though Ashtoreth did catch the confused look that crossed her face when the demon spoke to her in Spanish when she ordered their drinks without even bothering to glance at the menu.

When the waitress stepped away to get them, Francis looked at the redhead across the table. “Didn’t know ya spoke Spanish, Ms. Ashtoreth. You’re rather talented.”

They were playing a game, that’s what they decided. A real date, but they were playing not as Crowley and Aziraphale, but as the nanny and the gardener, and that meant pretending to not know things about each other.

It was... rather fun, like learning things anew again.

“Oh yes,” She replied, “I’m well versed in several tongues.” She winked at him at the double meaning. She greatly enjoyed the darkening of his already ruddy cheeks.

“Goodness, might have to learn a thing or two from ya then.”

Alright, that caught her off-guard, she would have spat out her drink if she had one at the moment.

“W-what about you, Brother Francis? How educated at you in... things?”

The drinks were placed on the table and Francis placed their orders, even though neither decided on anything. Something small and simple for her, something complex and flavorful for himself. A break in the game, but neither would acknowledge it.

When they were alone again, Francis turned to face her, setting his chin on his folded hands, elbows on the table as he smiled at her. “You might say I’m well read, know lots o’ things, my dear, read up on all sorts of things that’ll make you amazed.”

He took a sip of his drink. “An’ I know mah way around a dance or two.” He winked and she choked on her own sip of her drink.

“Naughty boy you are, Brother Francis.” She grinned. “Might have to show a lady like me a ‘dance’ tonight.”

Francis smiled around the rim of his glass and the two started to laugh.

They enjoyed their lunch together, talking about where they first had these dishes, but still playing it as Ashtoreth and Francis having experiencing them rather than their celestial and occult selves.

The meal was paid for by Francis, (’A gentleman pays for the first date!’ he had insisted, though it was meant more as an inside joke about how he paid for their first ‘date’ centuries ago and after that Crowley usually picked up the tab), and they left, holding hands. A stroll wasn’t planned, but the nanny wasn’t complaining as they walked down the street together.

They chatted about whatever, about Warlock and the garden, about what they could see on display in the windows. It was... nice, lovely really, to just do this where Heaven and Hell weren’t involved and neither was the whole face that the world was going to probably end in about seven years.

Sure, they created these characters to help prevent it, but it was nice to not be the Snake of Eden or the Guardian of the Eastern Gate. No, just two people on a date together, holding hands, laughing at some strange painting on display in a shop window that reminded them of an old artist friend from days gone by.

And it was nice for Ashtoreth, to be able to be open like this with the angel holding her hand, giving it squeezes a few times. They couldn’t do this together normally, you never know who was watching, but neither of their respective offices knew what they looked like in these disguises.

Hell literally couldn’t tell who she was back in the seventies when she came down with that Tony ‘Snake Hips’ Crowley look she was sporting at the time, so she highly doubted that they’d know she was walking to a Turkish coffee shop with the enemy who was sporting muttonchops.

And she doubted Heaven gave even an eighth of a rat’s ass about what Aziraphale was actually doing, so they were safe to be open like this, even if they still had to be in disguise, just to be safe. 

Still, Ashtoreth wasn’t gonna look a gift horse in the mouth, she was gonna enjoy every blessed second of this!

\--

“We need to do this again.” Ashtoreth commented, watching the ducks from their favorite spot in St. James’s Park, taking a drink from the to-go cup of coffee in her hand.

“Hm?” Francis looked over, finishing the bite of baklava in his mouth. “You-you do?”

“Of course. I’m actually having a good time, Francis, and this is nice. I mean, don’t get me wrong, we do this sort of thing a lot, but we’re so...” She waved a hand about. “Secretive, ya know? Can’t be all out and about with this sorta thing, never know who’s watchin’.” She pointed up and down a few times.

“I see yer point.” Francis replied, sighing as he glanced up. “I like this too, being able to spend time with ya, not havin’ to look every which way to make sure we don’t got someone spyin’ on us.” He popped another bit of his treat into his mouth. “We’ll have to plan fer another date, I was thinkin’ we could get outta town, spend the day together travelin’ the South Downs area.”

Ashtoreth nodded, before feeling a hand resting over her own. She glanced at the angel next to her, smiling just a bit, before enjoying the moment.

“Yeah, let’s do that, angel.”

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was not edited at all, I wrote it all up in a tumblr post rather than a word doc, so forgive me for my grammar errors.
> 
> If you'd like to see more Ash and Francis content, my inbox is always open on my tumblr (trashboatprince), just send me a prompt and I'll see what I can do.
> 
> Thanks for reading, please comment and kudos!


End file.
